Transcript of tape recording 001

March 3, 1987

IOWA: Testing, testing. This is Iowa Walsh, reporter for the Westport Herald.

MIKE: What are you doing?

IOWA: What? I’m testing it?

MIKE: You really think I would just give you a tape recorder that doesn’t work?

IOWA: I don’t know. When’s the last time you used it?

[Beat of silence]

FARGO: He has no idea.

MIKE: I was thinking!

FARGO: There’s a first.

MIKE: I gotta ask, why didn’t you already have a tape recorder?

IOWA: I don’t really do a lot of interviews. Well, not so much high stakes ones, anyway.

MIKE:     Oh, I thought this was, like, what you did?

IOWA: …If I could level with you, off the record-

FARGO: You’re literally recording this.

IOWA: I’m not very good at my job. I kinda get bounced around to different sections of the Herald

all the time.

FARGO: [Laughing] So they only trust you with the small stuff, like homicide investigations?

MIKE: Homicide?

FARGO: Okay, ostensible homicide.

IOWA: No, this isn’t the kind of thing the Herald would usually report on. Harry- uh, my editor, just

                  had a hunch there might be a story here.

FARGO: More of a story than a mysterious disappearance?

IOWA: I just mean normally we wouldn’t be reporting on crime all the way out in Creeping Cove.

MIKE: Glad you are. Honestly, the Moon is pretty lacking in this sort of thing.

IOWA: The Moon?

MIKE: Oh, the Creeping Cove Moon, it’s the local paper.

IOWA: Seriously?

MIKE: Yeah.

FARGO: Terrible name for a terrible paper. It’s a glorified gossip column.

MIKE: I think they might have mentioned Ivan last week, but they’re not doing anything like this.

IOWA: Yeah, I get the impression folks don’t really care about this whole situation.

MIKE: It’s not that people don’t care, I don’t think, it’s just… no one really knew Ivan. It sucks, but

                  it’s not really tragic for anyone.

IOWA: …Don’t you think that in and of itself is its own tragedy?

MIKE: What?

FARGO: Yes.

IOWA: Nevermind. What do you guys know about the mayor?

MIKE: Wick?

FARGO: Why?

IOWA: I scheduled an appointment with her tomorrow.

MIKE: Why?

IOWA: Well just to get a general idea of the police's investigation, but also because I heard she knew

                  Ivan well. Er-

FARGO: As well as anyone knew him.

IOWA: Right.

MIKE: I don’t like that you guys keep talking about Ivan in the past tense.

FARGO: Well… he’s not around anymore, so-

MIKE: That doesn’t mean he’s dead!

FARGO: Where the Hell else would he be, Mike? Hiding out in the woods? He’s probably at the bottom of

                  the ocean right now.

IOWA: Is that what you think happened? He drowned?

FARGO: I mean, probably? What else, murder?

IOWA: Could be.

FARGO: Could not be. There hasn’t been a recorded murder on Creeping Cove for, like, ever. And nobody

                  knew this guy enough to want him dead.

IOWA: Not five minutes ago you said this was a homicide.

FARGO: I was just being colorful- hold on, am I suddenly under investigation here?

IOWA: No, I’m just saying, it’s distinctly possible.

FARGO: I know you’d just love for it to be a murder, huh? Wouldn’t that be a great story for your paper?

IOWA: I would actually love for his body to wash up on the shore today so I could go the fuck home and

                  Never think about this God forsaken island again.

FARGO: Oh, yeah, you got a nice perfect life back waiting for you in Westport, do ya?

IOWA: I- you know what-

MIKE: Jeezum crow, you guys, chill out!

FARGO: …She started it.

IOWA: God, what are you, 12?

FARGO: What are you, 30?

IOWA: WOAH.

MIKE: Guys!

MILLIE: Y’all, I appreciate a good rousing debate as much as the next gal, but could ya keep it down with

                  the fightin’ as long as you’re in the diner?

IOWA: Uh, yes, ma’am.

FARGO: Sorry, Millie.

MIKE: Sorry, Millie.

[Beat of silence]

MIKE: (Whispering) God, you’re so embarrassing!

FARGO: Who!?

MIKE: I’m… going to the bathroom. Don’t do anything stupid.

[Several beats of silence]

IOWA: Listen, I’m… sorry I snapped.

FARGO: …Yeah, sorry too. You don’t really look 30.

IOWA: [Sighing] I pretty much am.

FARGO: No shit?

IOWA: 28.

FARGO: Well, uh… you don’t look it?

IOWA: Jeezus, 30 isn’t dead.

FARGO: I just meant you- oh, shit, uh, your tape’s still rolling.

IOWA: Huh? Oh.

[Click]

Recording ends.